Are You a Gear Head?

text by Steve Vose

Beware of friends, returning from the backwoods of West Virginia, bearing mason jars filled with a clear liquid smelling reminiscent of lighter fluid and possessing the smooth throat pleasing drinkability of crushed glass with an iodine chaser. Hence is the reason, I am currently attempting to write something witty, while lying in bed sporting a hat fashioned from a bag of frozen peas.

It is my desperate hope that soon the Tylenol, Excedrin and Ibuprofen, I have choked down, will finally kick in, allowing me to eat some soda crackers and drink a cup of ginger ale. Well despite now having to pay for my excess, I suppose it is the SUMMER season, a time to celebrate the warm weather with an ample helping of over indulgence!

Speaking of extravagance . . . why is there something strangely arousing and perhaps a tad bit exotic about wearing camouflage long underwear, despite the fact that it was $20 more than the solid prints and has zero percent chance of ever being seen by a woodland creature? Yes, I am well aware I just called camouflage long underwear arousing and erotic . . . lay off and work with me will ya!

Be careful my friends, for it is exactly these types of over indulgences that will quickly get you categorized as a “gear head”.

Other violations include: 

  • Having more money invested in smart wool socks then in your kid’s college savings plan.
  • Owning “snow camo”.
  • Having more than 10 pair of “sporting” boots.
  • Having 6 rain suits all in different colors and camouflage patterns.
  •  Always struggling to decide what rifle to bring to deer camp because you have half a dozen in your closet that would make an acceptable choice.
  • Having 20 or more ice tip ups (Don’t judge me! I have 5 rigged for salmon, 5 for pike, 5 for perch and 5 spares!)
  • Having everyone in your family equipped with at least one ThermaCELL.
  • Turkey hunting with three or more decoys.
  • Duck hunting with three or more dozen decoys.
  • Having enough ammo in your house that if there were ever a fire it would be necessary to evacuate an area encompassing 5 city blocks.
  • Having your basement and garage FILLED with hunting and fishing equipment while the Christmas decorations, kids toys and the wife’s off season wardrobe are in garbage bags under the deck. Shhh, she will NEVER know.

I know there are a ton of gear heads out there just like me so please drop a comment owning up to your latest, greatest “gear” indulgence!